No Ifs, Ands Or Buts
by kygirl101
Summary: Kyouya reflects on his time before, during and after the host club. 2nd person Kyouya!centric. Yaoi if you have your Yaoi Goggles on T to be safe!


You used to wish that you could be like them. Exactly like them, so much so that you were them. Once you met the Hitachiin twins, you only wished more that you were closer to your family and they you could be as interchangeable with your own brothers as Hikaru (Kaoru) was with Kaoru (Hikaru). But you're not.

When you first hear Tamaki suggest that the two of you take Haruhi under your wing as your 'daughter', you scoff and role your eyes. As if the seven of you could be anything that even remotely resembled a family; none of you are even a family with their actual blood relatives. It's stupid, a fantasy and another half brained idea on the young Suoh's part. But you play along.

If you were surprised by the other's willingness to play this crazy game—the twin's willingness to be the sons, Mori and Hunny's willingness to be the cousins, and Haruhi's un-willingness to play the daughter—you don't show it. You know, deep in your heart, that this frail façade will only last as long as all of you need each other. You know that as soon as your high school days end, the act of 'friends' will become no more, just like this family setting. But you're wrong.

You not only take on the role of mother—one you never saw by example—but you aren't in the least but shocked to see that Tamaki is the 'daddy'. You smirk when the blond proclaims himself as such, and do not even attempt to stave off the twins when they start asking gender specific question ("Daddy, where do babies come from" "Daddy, why are you and mommy both guys?"). You jot something down in your notebook and pretend to not care, listen or partake in the friendly atmosphere. But against your will, you are doing so anyway.

Haruhi, Hunny and Hikaru have been designated as one team in this stupid game of Capture The Flag, while yourself, Kaoru and Tamaki are on the other. Mori valiantly offered to moderate. You still think this is ridiculous, and it is then that you realize that everything the Host Club does is either stupid or ridiculous, and you can't help but smirk at that. Your team wins, thank to a spectacular diving throw by Kaoru, Tamaki's stupid tactics where he tripped and somehow managed to tap Haruhi while falling, causing her to go to jail just before she reached the other side of the border with their flag. It is also due to your wonderful scheming to eliminate Hunny via cake-need, and as you teammates (and Hikaru, for some odd reason, dragging Haruhi) envelope you in a tight hug, you tell yourself that you don't enjoy it. But you do.

You can count, on two hands, the number of times that your father has hit you. Seven. Exactly. You started at the age of eight, when your entered a brief and casual rebellious period. This resulted in two smacked cheeks and two of the seven. You managed to make it through the next two years without so much as a touch, and barely ever a look, but then at age ten, you slip up again. You called him 'dad' at an untimely business meeting, resulting in a mockery of his parenting skills to be made. You are the vent for his anger and you understand, telling yourself you deserve it. All the following occasions are reasonably for the same reason: disgrace. And then, thinking back on these, you wonder why you allow your 'children' to get away with such unscrupulous acts when you yourself had a father with an iron fist. But then you remember that you never wanted to be like your father.

The commoner holiday traditions do not escape Tamaki's notice, even if they are not native. The 25th of December brings the entirety of the Host Club into you bedroom for the second time, all wearing festive red and white clothing and Santa hats. Hunny carries a large queen Elizabeth cake and Mori carry's Hunny. The twins are hung around each other as usual, stupidly sly faces in place, and Haruhi blinks sleepily at them all, obviously not understanding why she was woken up. Tamaki seems virtually the only genuine one who wishes everyone else a happy Christmas, and this greeting only leads to you yelling at them to get out of your room. They scamper, but refuse to leave your living room until all presents are opened. You get a supply of notebooks from the seniors, the entire set of the American cartoon 'Pinky and the Brain' from the twins, nothing from Haruhi except a card that said 'Ho. Ho. Ho' and sang 'Jingle Bells'. Tamaki wraps up this final gift giving ceremony by presenting you with a song album called 'Best Friends'. You flip it over and discover, to your disgust, that it's an unheard of genera 'Indi Hip-Hop'. Smiling sickly sweet at them, you tell them that you have something for them too, but that it's outside. All of a flutter, the Host Club follows you outside and turns back around to face you just as you slam the door in their faces. But you do indeed have something for them all when you return to school the following week: wrist tags that you forcibly attach to their arms that will cause a red dot to flash on your security's screen every time that any one of your 'friends' enters your property before midday on a weekend

Every time is tea time. You learn this the crazy way, within the confines of the third music room, with Tamaki, Haruhi, Hunny, Mori and the twins, when your 'best friends' bursts into tears at the senior's impending graduation, and the only way to resolve him is to promise to have annual get togethers, where you would all drink tea and chat about virtually nothing. Haruhi agrees, and hot on her tail are Hikaru and Kaoru. Hunny bubbles at this idea and says yes. Mori follows after Hunny, but with much less enthusiasm. And then they are all looking at you and, unsure what to do in the spotlight, you scoff and turn away, hoping they'll read the signs that you're not going to indulge them. But you know, in future, that you will.

It all happens too fast in your opinion, although it is also you who always wants to get out of high school and into the business world. Yours and Tamaki's graduation is next month, and you realize that this is not getting out of school. It is rendering yourself to another four or more years of school—without the host club. You blink in surprise; when did you come to rely on those fools who called you their mother so much? And what do you even rely on them for. Deep down, you know the answer. You don't know for sure if your father, sister or brother's are in the crowd, and you secretly tell yourself that you don't care. This way, you won't be subjected to the demeanor applause that one's family was obliged to give when you received your diploma, and with this thought to put a spring in your step, you go forwards to receive your certificate. However, the happy thought is crushed when you make it half way up to the podium, and the smattering of clapping breaks the musical silence. You don't even have to turn to see that it's the twins, Tamaki and Hunny a step behind them, Haruhi grudgingly slapping her palms together and Mori doing none of the above, just nodding his approval. Growling, you decide that you will kill each of them a different way (except Mori) and walk back to your seat. But you don't kill them in the end.

While you don't remember the after party, it certainly makes you feel sick to remember the massive hang over you'd gotten from the twin's spiked punch, and the feeling of someone next to you on a fold out couch. You never did find out who that was; everyone claims to not have seen anything. But you know that it was someone you knew, and that they had told the rest of the club, because now when you mentioned anything that can be interpreted as an innuendo or a reminder of that night, the twins crack up, Haruhi blushed slightly, Hunny asks an embarrassing question, Mori answers the best he can and Tamaki wails about innocence and tainted purity. You despise this reaction, and each time you vow not to talk to any of them ever again. But seeing as you are very fluent in speaking, and it is somewhat required, you always end up breaking that vow.

First year in finishing school, and you wonder what has happened. You are older, visually. You have a shadow of hair dusting your face every now and then, and find it extremely hard to fit shaving into your schedule. You figure that Tamaki must have pulled some strings, because the two of you are sharing a dorm. It makes you both want to kill him and thank him, but since both are unacceptable, you simply take the bed farthest from the window and comment about the cramp quarters of the bathroom, hoping to at least dull the blond's spirits. But you don't succeed.

You hate to admit it, but when you walk into the cafeteria of this place, you are vaguely disappointed to see that they have no commoner coffee, and make a small note to ask the staff to supply some. But you let the point be moot, and settle for the stuff that everyone else drinks.

The get-togethers fail miserably. You have exams, Hunny and Mori have graduated early and are too preoccupied by the running of their family businesses to have tea every Thursday. The twins and Haruhi have long since taken to giving one phone call a week, alternating between yourself and Tamaki, and still addressing you both by the friendly nick names 'mother' and 'father'. Dramatic exclamations of love are always bountiful from your dorm mate, while you sit leisurely in the background, patient enough to listen when Hikaru asks you what he should do about his growing feelings for Haruhi (where did that come from, you wonder) or when Kaoru tried to persuade you to become a model for his senior project (you wonder how you got roped into that one, as well). It doesn't put a smile on your face, but it does make it easier to sleep at night. Tamaki often comments that you are less likely to rip his head off after a good chat with the old host club, and you promptly throw whatever's handy at him, missing on purpose. But you know that he's right.

Next thing you know, you are top of your class in the finals, and you are given the job of contacting Hunny and Mori for Hikaru, Kaoru and Haruhi's graduation. They agree to come at once, delighted and chattering nonstop about what kind of cake to bring. Tamaki is all of a bother when he learns that Haruhi outed herself as a girl half way through the year and shows up at graduation with a silken dress underneath her traditional gown. It takes you five minutes and a cup of water to revive him, and then the two of you, joined by Hunny and Mori, sit down to watch them receive their certificates. It's a quick ceremony; not nearly as grand as the supposed after party is to be, but it is interesting in many ways. You notice that Hikaru receives Kaoru's certificate, and vise versa. You notice that Tamaki tears up and retrieves a hanky from somewhere. And you realize that you are applauding for all three of them, as they did for you, and you don't care if people are looking at you oddly. You may not be an actual family, but at the same time, you are closer than many others. But, however that may be, you are not adverse to turning a blind eyes when Hunny slips into the kitchen to eat all the cakes, when the twins slip hard liquor into the punch bowl nor when Tamaki whisks Haruhi around the dance floor.

It's rather nice, you realize, to be a part of this. No matter how stupid it is. And there's no if's, and's or but's to add after that.


End file.
